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Never been to River City. There's always a first time for everything, except for trouble; it hangs on me like a cheap suit. I asked the cab driver where the river was. I could see his eyes dart up to the rear-view mirror and back down again.

'It's got no river."

"Figures I'd be in a small town with no river and no city."

"Where do you want to be dropped off, buddy?"

"You know where the Polish Prince Bar and Grill is?"

"I should know it's only one of two bars in the city."

"You mean town, don't you."...